China Preparing to Attack the United States’ Homeland

China
China

The New Yory Post is reporting that China is in the final phase of its plans to launch an attack on the United States. According to sources the Chinese leader has said that he has been appointed by Buddha to spread communism across the globe. He believes “To each according to his needs, from each according to his talent” is the law of Buddha and it is China’s duties to make sure those words are evident in every corner of the earth. He also stated that it is his goal to recover stolen Chinese gold bars that are hidden in the United States. Last but not least, he is accusing President Obama of ignoring the suffering of his own people and harboring terrorist organizations such as the KKK. Obama vehemently denies the accusations stating that:

“I am the president of the United States, I have to act in the interest of the United States and our allies. My heart bleeds for the thousands killed by terrorists in Nigeria, but France is our closer ally, so I had to send John Kerry to France. I personally hate the KKK, they would hate my father and am sure they hate me too”.

Obama further went on to say, “there is absolutely no truth that there is gold in America which belongs to China, absolutely not”. The Chinese Minister of defense informed the New York Post that they have solid intelligence that proves Chinese Gold is in the United States. When questioned on exactly where in the United States the gold bars are hidden, the Chinese Secretary of defense replied “We know where they are. They’re in the area around San Francisco and Fort Knox and east, west, south and north somewhat.”

Meanwhile the Minute Men have made it clear that they will not stand idly by and allow any outside forces to come in and occupy their land without going through some legal immigration process. They have already recruited the KKK and the Christian Coalition to join them in the fight against the Chinese military. They were also actively recruiting the New Black Panther party but up until press time the two sides were unable to reach any agreements.

The Chinese seems not to be too worried about an insurgency as they claimed to have formed a coalition of the willing including India and North Korea to help suppress any militant uprising. They have also sent out stern warnings both to Canada and Mexico to make sure they properly seal their borders and not allow any fighters to cross over and assist the Minute Men in any potential insurgency. It is believed that millions of Mexicans are willing to come over and fight to defend America for less than what most Americans spend on coffee per month. When asked how he felt about so many ready and willing to fight his military, the Chinese leader responded “I only have three words for them, bring it on”.

Indian leaders have phoned into the New York Post to stress that they did not join the coalition formed by the Chinese willingly. They claimed they were threatened that either they were with the Chinese or against the Chinese and fearing the repercussions they had no choice but to join. North Korea also echoed the same sentiments, saying they were threatened that they would be bombed back to the Stone Age unless they join the coalition. When asked how long it would take for the Chinese to accomplish a victory especially if there is an insurgency, the Chinese minister of defense replied “. “It is unknowable how long the war will last. It could last six days, six weeks. I doubt six months.”

Today millions of Chinese citizens were marching across China to protest against their country going to war with the United States. The Chinese leader and his administration appear to be very headstrong however, saying the only way a war could be averted is if Obama turn over the gold bars and leave the United States in 48 hours. The Chinese leader also stressed that this war is not only necessary but it is in the best interest of their good friend Cuba as they are the only true Communist Government in the region. In response to the Chinese actions, Britain and Canada have began to rapidly beef up their military as both countries along with the United States have been labeled “axis of evil” by the Chinese leader.

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