Imagine if we all had perfect timing in our relationships. Well not perfect, but almost perfect. Imagine if the first time something went wrong or the first time we see a pattern of bad behavior from the other party involved, we could tell without a doubt if the problem is something that can be worked out or if it is time to put an end to the relationship. No one wants to waste time in a relationship that is bound for failure. Remember those Simple Red lyrics from the song “Holding Back the Years”.
“I’ve wasted all my tears
Wasted all those years
And nothing had the chance to be good
Seem like nothing ever could
But I’ll keep holding on, keep holding on.”
So exactly why do some people hold on to bad relationships? Is it the fear of starting over from scratch? Do they feel like they cannot do any better than the bad relationship they are in? Maybe it is fear of the unknown. They know their situation is bad but at least they know the situation. So they fear letting go because they have no idea what awaits them out there.
What about physical abusive relationships that end with someone actually being killed. There is always some pattern of abuse before a relationship gets to that point. But when in an abusive relationship should the person who is being abused say enough is enough? Should it be the first time he or she is physically harmed? The first time law enforcement had to be called? What about if the relationship is not as abusive as it used to be? Maybe the victim no longer have to wear dark glasses to hide the black and blue eyes or tell lies that they fell down the stairs because the abuser is now taking care not to leave any marks. Does this show signs of improvement in the relationship and therefore justifies the victim staying and trying to work things out?
Why would someone want to stay with someone who is hurting them? I have heard people say that sometimes the abuser threatens the victim that if they leave they will be done more serious harm than they are currently experiencing. Or maybe it is the abuser who cries or threaten to hurt him/herself if the victim should leave.
“No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain’t working, it ain’t working,
And when I try to walk away
You’d hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy, this is crazy” – Lauren Hill
We all know no relationship is perfect; none is immune from the bumps in the road. As a matter of fact it is hard to find someone who does not enjoy the occasional break up to make up. But how do we figure out when a break should be for good so we don’t waste time in a dead relationship?
How do we know when it is a time to love and build versus a time to let go, destroy and rebuild with someone new?
“Say what you wanna say
Do what you wanna do
Go where you wanna go
I will never miss the likes of you” – Boom Viniyard