Salaams, Brothers and Sisters.
I sit here sipping green tea mourning the latest stats on Celebrity Black Love. If you haven’t heard yet, it’s been reported icon and first-time-mom-at 50 Sista Janet Jackson has split with her tall drink of beautiful Qatari mega wealth husband, businessman, Wissam al Mana just barely four months after she delivered their son, Eissa. How could this happen? I’m so hurt. And if that didn’t send me over the edge, finding out Trump’s Numero Uno She-Devil Minion, Omarosa Manigault, was joined in a soul sacrificing matrimony to some dumb minister of no significance. You remember Omarosa, don’t you?
She is 45’s very own African American who was the ONLY one present when the beloved and supremely talented Michael Clarke Duncan suffered a heart attack and died. (Peace be Upon Him. May Allah forgive him and grant him highest Jannah.) I heard she’s a minister now too. For the single sisters, Omarosa jumping the broom is depressing. Might be flipping your Tinder profile the bird right now and looking for new church shoes on Shoedazzle, huh.
I am still trying to get my mind around Sista Janet and Wissam’s issue. The phony vibe been beating hard on this one. Don’t get me wrong, it is none of my business whatsoever. I don’t condone being up in people’s personal business. But, I’ve been following that Hollyweird Fairytale from the jump and was zoomed by this happily ever after. All those photoshopped pregnancy pics, Janet speaking Arabic-ish, that stupid video announcing her family planning (and canceling her tour) that looked like she filmed it from the inside of a straight jacket– something was just not natural.
Wissam did not seem like Janet’s other husbands including that common-law runt music Jermaine Dupri with whom the Velvet Rope songstress co-habitated for a minute. If you weren’t already aware, Wissam is a successful businessman with some seriously deep bank. He owns just about everything we care about in the world, he’s highly educated, and a genius. He’s not the typical Trumpish Trust Fund Baby that inherits money and pays a bunch of Jews to magically grow his portfolio. Wissam knows his shit. Wissam, a devout Muslim, wasn’t like those other scrubs Sister Janet used to roll back in the day like that back up dancer Rene Elizondo and the guy with the curly bangs James DeBarge. You know Papa Joseph was raising his sharpening his belt with those losers she brought home. Janet’s men were so suss, Astaghifirullah, but I automatically thought Wissam was getting his nails done and eyebrows waxed at the salon too. Look at Mary J. Blige. Her useless ex – lavished her with expensive gifts he bought with her money in between his spa appointments.
Those men had their roles carefully laid out: stay in the shadows of Sista Janet’s limelight, seek public attention, and never go Bobby Brown on her either. No, No No. Those basic bastards better keep it wavy and don’t even dream about spazzing whenever she was on stage and rubbed her face in one of her adoring male fan’s crotch singing that song no one ever remembers because we can’t believe Lil Penny from Good Times is performing simulated head (I assume she learned that from Ralph Carter).
So word around the hood is Janet’s marriage to Prince Alibaba was nothing more than some fantasy fulfilling Five Year Plan. He would marry his dream woman. She would give up White Jesus and have his baby even if it meant her entire body whales out as they shake the dust off her raggedy uterus to furnish him an heir. Just typical weird Jackson family shit. Or, maybe he spazzed about his wife dry humping random guys while his boys looked on. Is it only Muslim men that get heated over that sort of thing? Please, God, don’t let Wissam come Out… like Omarosa’s husband….
Til next time, RAHEEMA X