A post by Gigi J. She will be a regular blogger on this blog. Look for more posts from her soon.
A few years ago, when one of my best friends was still engaged to her baby daddy, she called me in the middle of the night to ask me a very mind boggling question. “Do you think I should still get married to man that has bad credit?” *moment of silence*
“You obviously didn’t think about THAT when he was laying the pipe, did you!”
“Well, it was FUN back then, now it’s taken a serious turn. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have even given him the time of day let alone my number.”
“I’ll clear out the other side of the garage, you can bring the car over.”
“Thanks, we’re in front. Open the door.”
Time and time again, my friends and I have debated this subject with an intense ferocity of mixed emotions — mostly in vain. Why? Because we are ALL guilty of giving it up to some fiscal loser and then regretting it later. What’s a girl to do? A good looking guy who seems interested and eager to please? Sorry, but the words, “Devil appearing in white light” comes to mind. Just the other day, my friend hooked up with a guy that was great eye and arm candy but was an indictment waiting to happen. I, on the other hand, married one.
My ex had absolutely no sense of financial responsibility. We fought constantly over the money. I would see the light bill and grab it to pay it upon receipt. He would look at the date and go “Oh, we’ve got three weeks to pay this.” He would actually rather buy drinks and expensive meals in the bar for his friends than keep the lights on in the house where he lived! Three weeks would come and then it would be, “Well, it’s not a Final Notice, so I’ll wait until next month to pay it.” So now instead of $100, I’ve got to pay $200 PLUS a late fee. Yes, we maintained separate bank accounts. You think a guy like that can be trusted to hold a check book? It was bad enough that he thought the ATM machine as not a tool for patrons to remove their own money from the big old bank, but really a very nice and generous person simply doling at cash at one’s mere wish.
Is that what marriage is all about? My mother and step-father never had separate bank accounts and my mother shops likes a rock star. I swear once, I called her on her cell on a Saturday afternoon to ask her a simple question about nothing. However, in a somewhat annoyed tone (the nerve!) she informed me that she was in the middle of Harrod’s (Yes, the one in England) trying on a dress. The woman had actually hopped a plane and traveled across the Atlantic – to catch a sale in one of the most elite stores in the world. She’s spontaneous and eccentric like that. Yet, no one is calling her house rudely asking her when the hell she plans on sending them their money.
I’ve also noticed that most of my girlfriends that are in higher tax brackets not only tend to date men with bad credit but they also make less money. Why? It can’t be the sex because I personally cannot fathom how a deadbeat could possibly have more prowess in the bedroom a man who pays his bills on time.
Back in the days, I used to think that judging a man by his credit score/report was a form of discrimination. I definitely think it sucks when companies do it when determining to make an offer of employment. WTF?! The candidate is out of work and broke: HIRE HIM/HER! However, I used to have compassion for a guy that may have fallen on hard times. It happens. I know many great men who made investments that went bad – should he be denied a loving relationship because of a bad gamble? In my book, if he’s working and making improvements, no. If he’s living at home with his mama and talking smack about how it was somebody else’s fault. HELL YEAH!
I’ve become very selective over the years when it comes to the men I choose to be with. There are certain alarms that ring off for me that makes my neck do a 180: 1). Several children with several women (children close in age makes me don garlic, holy water and crucifixes); 2) weird jobs that seem short term -i,e., an aspiring rapper; a contractor job that tends to need an explanation that takes longer than a paragraph. Dude, I don’t care. ; 3). He’s walking or taking the train yet he has the BEST cell phone on the market and it’s on a Pre-paid plan; 4) he badmouths credit card companies. “I hate Discover, Capital One!” (that’s indicative that someone is having their wages garnished) and 5) Men who email a helluva lot more often than call on the phone — it reverts back to number 1.
Well, now that it’s 2008, I recently called my friend to give her an answer to her question.
Hell no. If you could turn back time, instead of making Sweet Eye with him -kick him in the nuts and run. A good fuck isn’t worth all the drama of a man who habitually spends more than he makes. A guy who doesn’t pay his bills now doesn’t care when you add “Child Support” to his long offensive list of charge offs and collections. He doesn’t care when he still owes you money while he’s out recklessly buying new shoes or worse — in the bar. You could sue him for it, but so what? He’s already GOT bad credit! Worse yet if he’s got a record, because that means he’s not scared of going to jail either. Suze Orman says that when you don’t pay your bills you’re a liar. I don’t wholeheartedly agree with Suze (she’s usually not realistic, but this time she’s close) — I think if you WON’T pay your bills, you’re a liar. A long time ago, someone said to me that there aren’t people out there with the money in their hands and just don’t pay their bills — guess what! YES, there are!